I read the book first before watching the movie.

I’m not into spy novels, not even Bond novels, so I’m not sure what I expected going in. I did expect some humour. We’ve all seen the ads for the movie and I expected some of that, but this was a boring story.

I skimmed multiple pages just to get through it. Hated on a particular character, wondered why others were murdered, and what was resolved. I won’t give anything away, but if you love spy novels you’ll probably enjoy this. I just didn’t.

I did get one sense though, and that the book is written by a man. And as I wrote this, I went to Google and found out it was indeed written by a man. And a woman. Terry Hayes, Australian novelist and screenwriter, and Tammy Cohen, British author of psychological thrillers.

So my sense was right, as I’d held off from watching the movie to see how the book version was and had not Googled anything previously.

Now, onto the movie.

Henry with  flattop haircut. Just no.

Can Dua Lipa stop pretending to act, geez, I’m so sick of singers pretending to be actors, and actors pretending to be singers, and models pretending to be both.

The scene of Henry/Argylle speeding over the rooves of Greece is reminiscent of several of his scenes in The Man From Uncle.

And Jon Cena can fuck right off. I’m sick of him too.

Elly’s book reading and the typical unuseful, “hi, I’m an aspiring writer how do I make time to write.”

You’re either a writer or you aren’t. There’s no such thing as aspiring. And get your calendar and figure out a schedule, stop being lazy.

The train scene where she kept blinking. What? Get with reality, girlie. And why is she so stupid she thinks everyone else is there to help her. Even the guy who was at the book reading, she thinks he’s there for her and is waving even when he’s pulling out a gun. God, this scene is taking too damn long. And why is no one else reacting to people pulling guns and asps?

The apartment scene where they get shot at. I cannot stand dumb broads in movies and she rushes off through the emergency door and runs up to the roof. Oi.

So her parents are in on it. Big surprise with a dose of sarcastic eye roll. And also not her parents.

She’s a secret agent. Oh, fuck off! What she is, is a screaming meemie who needs to shut the fuck up.

Oh, here we go with the memories returning and she tries to be all big and tough.

The dance scene in the hallway where they’re fighting the guards, dropping smoke bombs, shooting people. This ain’t no ice skating competition, people. Just no. And she’s still wearing that ugly yellow dress even though she cut some off. That scene went on way too damn long.

Skating in oil. Oh, fuck right off.

The ending…just get it over with.

Damn! Henry Cavill in a mullet! Looks like he’s in his twenties, not his forties.

And the only part of the movie that was in the book was the very end when a young twenty-something Aubrey Argylle walked into a pub and asked for a twist. Putting him in his early forties in this movie.

End scene…

Overall, the movie was a stupid waste of time. It went on for far too long, had scenes that could have been cut down or cut completely. Funny in parts, nothing like the book. Guess that’s the point of movie making. The book, however, was all spy thriller I suppose and not supposed to be the movie.

Would I read another Argylle book? No. Would I watch another Argylle movie? Sure, and whinge and whine the whole way through. Would I watch this movie again? Only if there was nothing else on TV but it’s not something I’ll go out of my way to watch, even though it is a movie about an author and I do seem to gravitate to those. Maybe I’ll collect this one as well like I did Romancing The Stone and Rear Window along with Castle and Murder, She Wrote.

I gave the book 4/10 and the movie 6/10.