My health has sucked badly this year, and most years, but definitely since late 2015 when mum got sick.

I guess in part it’s my fault. I took on business stuff that piled on, and then when mum got sick, it all went to shit and doubled the stress I had. I managed to get through it by planning and scheduling, and still am, through all of my own health issues.

While hair falls out on an average of 700 strands a day, it regenerates quickly. My hair has not. As of mid 2016 it started falling out, and in the last year has thinned by over 50%.

My menstrual cycle once worked well, as of September 2016 it stopped. And after seeing a gyno in April, having tried different pills, seen a second gyno, had a pelvic ultrasound, got told I had a fibroid in my uterus, then got told I the fibroid was ON my uterus and so not the cause of my freaked out cycle. During that consultation, I found out I had a gallstone which my doctor failed to tell me.

Earlier in the year I had my eyes checked and was told I could do with glasses, even though my eyes were fine, for reading it would help. Pft!

In September I was told I had osteoarthritis in multiple fingers in my hands.

Fuck that shit!

I also had a jaw that decided to pop out and wreak havoc on my face.

The only good thing…I lost weight and then packed half of it on over winter, but have been able to get that off too.

Here we are November, nothing has been solved, nothing has been fixed. I’m stressed up the wahzoo, can’t sleep due to a blocked nose that cannot be fixed, and am over being used as a slave and maid.

I’m done with it. I’m over it. One of us needs to die or somehow I need to get the fuck out of here. I cannot keep living my life like this. Going without everything a normal person gets to have in their life like a house, a partner, kids, a life etc, etc, etc.

But no one wants to help, no one will give me the time of day, the money, the support. I don’t have enough to pack up and move. I have no car, no physical support, no nothing.

I am literally, fucked up with wahzoo, and I’m over it. I have no idea how to change it and that’s the problem. I know what to do, but I don’t know how to do it. Because without money, a car or support, I can’t do anything and that fucking sucks.

I need a holiday. A nice long holiday on a tropical beach in Queensland where I can sit under a palm tree and tell the world to fuck off until I’m ready to deal with it again.

But that ain’t gonna happen either.

2017 has been nothing but fucking shit, and I really, really hope 2018 is better.